Over 40 and Sexy?

Over 40 and Sexy?

Middle-Age-Moments-Blog-Fitness-with-PJ

Men Love Me Because of My… Shoe Size

No woman does NOT want to be found attractive by someone. Whether that’s by a man or a woman, I think I can safely say that most of us want to make someone’s heart flutter a bit when they see us.

This flutter can be because of our brains, or our beauty (or both), but we do want to have this effect on someone.

Some of us work on the exterior for this effect – makeup, hair, clothes. And some women couldn’t give a rat’s ass about those things. 

I have a friend who just rolls out of bed in the morning, brushes her teeth and away she goes. She doesn’t comb her hair, put on makeup, or hell even look in the mirror. She couldn’t care less and I, who took an eyelash curler with me when I backpacked for a week through the backcountry, am both horrified and envious of this attitude.

I also think that the exterior stuff starts to lose its power over us as we get older. We aren’t so hung up on good looks or trying to look a certain way anymore. While I’m not quite at the level my friend is at I am waaaaaaaay less maintenance now at 50 than I have ever been.

And what makes my heart flutter now compared to when I first met LH is a whole new ballgame too.

Middle-Age-Moments-Blog-Fitness-with-PJ-Larry

Thirty years ago when we started dating I loved his rear end, his ability to make me laugh, and the fact he had his own car. (Side note: previous to LH I only dated men who fit this set criteria: tall, dark, handsome, no steady job, and 9 times out of 10 was an asshole.).  


Twenty-year-old PJ fell in love with LH due to physical attraction (and more), while 50-year-old PJ loves LH because of many reasons with the top five being: he can fix shit, he vacuums, he still makes me laugh, he still owns his own car (haha), and we can sit in comfortable silence – anytime, any day.


I don’t care anymore about how his butt looks, I care more about what his latest blood pressure reading is.


What he’s wearing doesn’t concern me either, and I’ve even stopped being horrified every time he goes to the store with his old man slippers on (you know the kind – plaid top, hard sole).


LH claims he loves me as a whole package, while I think it’s because I’m the only one who remembers the wifi password and knows how to troubleshoot his email when there’s a glitch.


But what he does not care about are my shoes or my shoe size… while other men, strangely, do.


There are scores of female fitness YouTubers who captivate men because of their bodies, their hair, their face… I seem to captivate men because of my shoe size.


A few years ago I had one sad soul who messaged me on Facebook for almost a full year asking me about the runners I was wearing in whatever latest workout I released. He wanted to know all about them and what size I wore.


Bravo to him for hanging in there for almost a year because I never messaged back or even acknowledged that I received his DM’s (rule #1 – never engage). 


And just recently a new one popped on the YouTube feed who wanted to know what size shoes I wore. I had to shake my head. 


I don’t get bent out of shape with these comments, you can’t when you’re online. I find them funny – and in this instance, I found it EXTREMELY funny that my sex appeal starts (and ends) in a pair of 9.5’s.


I just chuckle and I move on.

 

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WHY I WANT A HOT FLASH… read here.

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Over 40 and Sexy?

Oldest Person

Middle-Age-Moments-Blog-Fitness-with-PJ

Oldest One in the Room

“What’s it like? To be the oldest person here?”, she asked. 

Let me punch you in the throat, I think to myself when I look at her because it probably feels the same. 

This question was posed to me last summer when I attended (as a participant) a fitness class – where, as you guessed it, I was the oldest one there. 

It was the first time, in my 50 years on this planet, where I was the oldest person in the room. And I know this for a fact because I asked the one guy who I thought was at least my age or a few years older, and it turned out that he’s actually five years younger than me. I wish I could say I was also the wisest one there… but I will never be that, in any room, at any time, no matter what my age is.

But in this room, on this particular day, I was the oldest and I was surrounded by people who wouldn’t be able to sing the chorus of “2 Legit to 2 Quit” with me (and do the awesome hand moves to accompany said rhyme). They also probably never heard of Jack Palance let alone have seen his one-arm push-up feat on the Oscars – at age 73. And, this group would never get my jokes about dialling up for the internet either (When I was your age the internet went “Skaweeerurweeert”😆.). 

I was also in a room where I wasn’t the fastest.

And this was an eye-opener for me. 

You see, in the past, I’ve been accused of being competitive. I don’t think I am, I just prefer the view from the front of the pack that’s all, but here I was at mid-pack and sometimes at the back of the pack with my inside voice cheering my 50-year old ass on (which oddly enough sounds like Morgan Freeman). 

Now, where younger-PJ would have just about killed herself to be the fastest, 50-year old PJ, well… she didn’t care.

PJ-Middle-Age-Moments-Blog-Fitness-with-PJ

This amazed me. This sense of “who gives a f*ck” as people were passing me. This was so unlike me.

Could this mean that I was evolving? Was I getting, dare I type it, more carefree with age?

LH says “thank God” that we are less inclined to keep up with those who are younger than us. He says life goes too fast and we need to slow down. 

When I point out that that is so “cliche”, he says there’s a reason it’s a cliche, it’s because LIFE DOES GO TOO FAST (his voice always goes up an octave when he has a point to be made). And now as we get older, he continues to tell me, we can finally get off the treadmill – he always uses fitness equipment metaphors with me because he knows that’s how you can hold my attention.

I think I agree with him… to a degree.

While I am totally a-okay with slowing down, I am not going to get off the treadmill entirely. Sure, I’ll bring the speed down a notch – but I’ll also add some incline to make up for the lost speed – because that’s how I roll. 

And if you’re wondering how I responded to the sweet twenty-something-year-old asking me how I felt about being the oldest in the room. Well, I kept it violence-free and smiled and told her that I could still kick her ass.

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WHY I WANT A HOT FLASH… read here.

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Over 40 and Sexy?

I Want a Hot Flash

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I Want a Hot Flash – and other stupid things I’ve said

I’ve never thought too much about getting older until I was. For instance, I wish at age 30 I said to myself “Okay PJ this could be as good as it gets for your metabolism, so live it up, girlfriend”.  Instead, there I was like an idiot counting calories.

I also wish I could go back to age 40 so I could really appreciate the ability to read the small print. Screw trying to fit into smaller clothes, I just want to be able to read the smaller print. Do you feel me with this?

“Youth is wasted on the young,” they say, and I concur.

PJ-Trying-to-read-small-print


I’m not that old..

I’m 50 (at the time of writing this) which means that I’m at that magical age where I remember what I used to be able to do because I can kinda still do most of it – I just need longer breaks and aids now.

I also catch myself playing the “Pros vs Cons” scenario in my head for a lot of stuff that I would just go and do in my 20’s and 30’s.

Case in point the other night when I was lying on the couch watching a movie and I really wanted popcorn,  but I also really didn’t feel like getting up.

Young PJ would have just got up and made popcorn. 50-year old PJ had to determine if the reward was worth all the effort.

So I weighed the pros (popcorn), versus the cons (moving my dog, getting up, walking into the kitchen, making the popcorn, lying down again, only to get back up again because I forgot to get a beverage – and you need a beverage when you are eating popcorn – calling my dog, coaxing him back on the couch with me, only to kick him off again because now I have to pee).

In that whole scenario, the winner is obvious – stay on the couch and get LH to make the popcorn embarassed

 

I Would Love a Hot Flash…

Back in my 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s I was a full-time personal trainer. This was my career, not a side gig. There were no online programs, or YouTube channels, or studios. It was me and a large clientele base that was mainly women in their 40’s and 50’s.

And most of these women had one thing in common… they were menopausal.

We’d be squatting away and my clients would talk about everything (when they had the breath to – that is). Hot flashes, sleepless nights, vaginal dryness, mood swings – nothing was left out and I started to learn all about menopause at the young innocent age of 25.

But, it never phased me because I believed (as all stupid 25-year-old’s do), that this would not happen to me.

In fact, I even tempted fate on a regular basis and would tell these women that I couldn’t wait for a hot flash to happen.

You see I was tired of being so bloody cold all of the time.

I also had had enough of LH jokingly (but not really) rubbing his hands together quickly to get them warm every time he went to hold mine. Or, him looking at me very seriously and telling me that if he ever had a heart attack I was to just put my cold hands on his chest and that should shock him back to life.

Hardy, har har LH.

 

Throat Punches…

So a hot flash sounded amazing to me.

The women I trained were very kind to me whenever I made these declarations. Whereas the PJ-now would probably throat punch the PJ-then, these amazing women just raised their eyebrows politely at me.

Do I enjoy hot flashes now you wonder?

Well, if you are wondering this then you are either A) not menopausal, or B) a dude who is on the wrong blog (and bravo if you are a dude and you have reached this far. I would have thought I’d lost you at vaginal dryness.).

Hot flashes are not similar to that lovely warm heat that the stones on a fireplace give off on a cold evening. Or, that perfect temperature you get your nightly bath set at.

No, they are an inner inferno of demon hell that happens at weird and wonderful times.

Like, for instance, standing in the line at the bank with your winter coat zipped up and your mandatory mask pushing that hot breath of yours back into your already-on-fire body. A mask that you can’t whip off because it’s, well against the law right now.

Hot flashes seem to find the most inconvenient time possible, similar to that of a telephone call spammer minus the inability to hang up on a hot flash.

But… no one has died from a hot flash, that’s recorded anyways (there may have been some homicidal thoughts during though), and women have been hot flashing since the dawn of time.

So I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone, and if my sisterhood before me endured this BS then I can too.

 

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How I Overcame Failure

How I Overcame Failure

How Failing Made Me Happy

I have a story about failure to tell you. A story of me “failing” and how it actually changed my life… for the better. 

Now, why am I here to talk about my failures? Or, more specifically why should you even care? 

Because fear of failure is a huge buzzkill when trying to move forward and achieve your goals.

My hope is that through sharing my story with you perhaps you will re-think something that you have wanted to do, but have resisted because you were afraid of failing.  

My hope is that I can show you that sometimes failing is pretty effing awesome.

First, let me be totally clear with you – we don’t actually fail. Ever. Failing is a mindset I want you to get rid of. Instead, what we do is learn.

I will dive into my personal story first, and then offer you 3 tips that helped me overcome failure and allowed me to keep on learning. 

15 years ago I sold a personal training business that was the largest of its kind where I live. I had a team of 15 trainers, reception staff, we were incorporated, it was making money. Until one of my trainer’s photocopied my client list, partnered with one of my members (he was the money), enticed half of my other trainers to leave and then opened up up a studio across the street.

In the course of 60 days, our revenue plummeted by 75%.

Yup. Who knew fitness could be so cutthroat.

The stress, at the time, was unbelievable. The trainer’s that left, I thought they were my friends and this broke my heart. However, I had a support group – my husband and a coach – and I got through it, sold the business and I can report that today not one of those trainers is still in the industry. And the one who opened up the studio, across the street from mine… well his money man left him because he never hit any of the revenue targets he predicted he would, and he is also not in the industry anymore either.

But at the time people thought I was a failure. We live in a smallish community and it didn’t take a genius to deduct what had happened.

And I am glad it happened… because it started me on my journey of being online.

If I hadn’t had that experience I would not be sitting here right now chatting with you. This trainer opening across the street from me was a pivoting point in my life that changed the direction of where I was going and has taught me so much.

My next failure happened just last month.

I used to have a boutique fitness studio, called The Studio, with small group classes. It was very successful, I had a new team there, a manager and things were humming along pretty good until the pandemic hit.

Due to social distancing protocols, we were forced to close our doors and live stream our classes. 

But… since I had a business in the past (that one I just talked about) that ran low on cash flow (see, learning from my experiences) I knew that I did not want to be under that kind of stress again. So, I crunched the numbers for our business, I also talked with people who are smarter than me, took a hard look at my industry, and I decided to close the business completely.

Again, on the outside, it looked like I had failed and was forced to close. I can assure you I was not forced, it was a choice, and I can also sit here right now and tell you that I cannot remember a time in the past 4 years while owning The Studio of ever being this happy.

Yes, I liked the Studio, yes I liked the people, but it wasn’t until I shut it down that I realized that I love being online more and that trying to do both businesses for these past 4 years was killing me.

So, that is why I am so happy I “failed” with The Studio.

Of course, each of these required a few things to help me process my feelings and to help me to move on. Let me explain the three:

First, I recommend you always a support group. Have at least one person in your life that you can talk to, who is in your corner,, and who can tell it to you straight. If you don’t have someone, rent someone then. And by that, I mean a therapist or a coach. I have used both and they have been life-changing for me

Second, don’t worry about being afraid of failing, be more fearful of not trying. Don’t give your future self ammunition for a pity party because you didn’t try something. This is a big one in my playback. I do not want to have future PJ pissed off at me for not going after something because I was afraid of failing it. I’m more afraid of her than I am of failing. 

And finally, remind yourself that you going to be okay no matter how the cookie crumbles (just so long as it’s a chocolate chip cookie… just saying). When these moments that I just touched upon happened in my life my daily mantra was “I am going to be okay”. 

And as that cookie is crumbling smile, remind yourself that you’re tough and you will get through this and that tomorrow will be better. You’ve got to rev up the positive self-talk in situations like this because you will believe whatever you tell yourself.

So, tell yourself to be happy and grateful for all the good things that you do have, and all the problems you know you don’t have.

Life is filled with screw-ups, I truly believe that we are supposed to fail sometimes… so embrace those moments, learn from them, and maybe use them as pivots like I did to change the direction of your life.

Now, it’s your turn…

Have you ever been scared of failing?  Do you have any other thoughts about this video?  I’d love to hear from you.

Leave a comment on the video and share something with me. 

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How to Lose Weight When You’re Over 40

How to Lose Weight When You’re Over 40

How To Lose Weight When You’re Over 40

Below are my show notes:

DIETING IS THE WORST THING TO DO IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR PERMANENT WEIGHT LOSS. FIND OUT WHAT DOES WORK, AND WORKS AMAZINGLY FOR ANY WOMAN, OF ANY AGE.

I RECEIVED AN OVERWHELMING NUMBER OF EMAILS AND MESSAGES FROM WOMEN WHO WANT ADVICE ON THE BEST WAY TO LOSE FAT AS WE GET OLDER.

THESE ARE PAIN POINTS THAT A LOT OF WOMEN HAVE I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU ABOUT HOW I’VE SHIFTED AWAY FROM WEIGHT LOSS, AND MORE TOWARDS HOW I FEEL BECAUSE THAT’S A FAR MORE IMPORTANT INDICATOR TO A LIFE WELL LIVED. I WILL ALSO GIVE YOU 1 SIMPLE TIP TO HELP YOU GET OFF THE DIET ROLLER COASTER.

WHEN I WAS 45 I ENTERED A FITNESS COMPETITION AND WAS, WHAT LOOKED LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE, THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE. INSIDE I WAS HOT MESS.

I HAD ZERO ENERGY, ZERO FRIENDS (THEY DON’T CALL IT CARB-RAGE FOR NOTHING), AND ZERO ZEST FOR LIFE. ALL I HAD THE ENERGY TO DO ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS WAS FOOD PREP, COUNT MY MACROS, DO MY JOB, DO MY TWICE A DAY WORKOUTS, FANTASIZE ABOUT WHEN I COULD EAT AGAIN, ALL WHILE SITTING THERE IN A CALORIE-DEFICIT DAZE.

AFTER THE COMPETITION I QUICKLY GAINED THE WEIGHT BACK PLUS MORE WHICH HAD ME SINK INTO A FUNK AND A DEPRESSION – BECAUSE I COULD NOT MAINTAIN THE PJ THAT HAD LOST THE WEIGHT. MAYBE YOU UNDERSTAND ME? IF YOU’VE EVER BEEN ON A DIET AND “FELL OFF IT” THEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FELT.

I WAS FEELING DEFEATED, AND WHEN YOU REALLY PULL THE LAYERS BACK A LOT OF WOMEN, MYSELF INCLUDED AT THE TIME, FEEL WE AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH UNLESS WE ARE AT A CERTAIN SIZE.

WE WILL EVEN BELIEVE THAT WE ARE DOING OURSELVES GOOD BY “REWARDING” OURSELVES FOR LOSING WEIGHT. A LOT OF WEIGHT LOSS ADVICE ADVISES THAT. HIT YOUR TARGET AND TREAT YOURSELF TO [INSERT ANYTHING HERE… DRESS, SCARF, EARRINGS, SPA TREATMENT]. 

BUT INSTEAD, THIS IS REPEATEDLY TELLING OURSELVES THAT HOW WE LOOK NOW IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT FACIAL, YOU’VE GOT TO LOSE 10LB FIRST.

THANKFULLY I GAVE MY HEAD A GOOD SHAKE AND THIS IS WHEN MY MINDSET STARTED TO SHIFT.

I REALIZED THAT I WAS AT MY UNHEALTHIEST WHEN I WAS STANDING ON THAT STAGE IN A FITNESS COMPETITION.

YOU SEE THE LIFESTYLE NEEDED TO MAINTAIN WHAT I HAD ACHIEVED WAS FAR TOO RESTRICTIVE TO CONTINUE. AND THAT’S NOT HEALTHY.

WHAT IS HEALTHY? HEALTHY IS NOURISHING YOUR BODY SO IT HAS THE ENERGY TO DO WHAT YOU WANT IT TO DO.

HEALTHY IS MOVING YOUR BODY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO BURN CALORIES OR PUNISH IT FOR EATING TOO MUCH.

HEALTHY IS ACCEPTING WHO YOU ARE NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PANT SIZE IS TELLING US.

HEALTHY IS ALSO NOT FEELING GUILTY WHEN YOU EAT PASTA, DRINK TOO MUCH WINE, SIT ON THE COUCH… OR DO ALL OF THE ABOVE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE A HEALTHY MINDSET YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DO DO THOSE THINGS, THEN THE NEXT DAY YOU BALANCE THAT SHIT OUT AND HAVE A SALAD AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

IN THE 25 YEARS OF BEING A TRAINER, WORKING WITH THOUSANDS OF WOMEN, I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT HEALTHY, AND THIS INCLUDES WEIGHT LOSS AND WEIGHT MAINTENANCE, IS ACHIEVED WITH AN 80/20 APPROACH TO LIFE. 80% WE NOURISH, 80% WE MOVE, EVERYDAY WE APPRECIATE.

WHEN YOU APPLY THIS ONE SIMPLE RULE TO YOUR LIFE,80/20, YOU WILL FREE YOURSELF FROM THE BS THAT COMES FROM BEING ON A DIET.

YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU EAT MORE SENSIBLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT RESTRICTING YOURSELF OR TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE CANDY, WINE, OR PIZZA AGAIN. YOU MAY FIND YOU EAT LESS OF THOSE BAD FOODS TOO. BECAUSE IF WE GIVE OURSELVES PERMISSION TO EAT ANY FOOD WE WANT, WE LOSE THAT INTENSE CRAVING FOR THAT FOOD – WHICH DURING A DIET WILL QUITE OFTEN LEAD TO BINGING.

YOU MOST LIKELY WILL FIND THAT YOU LOSE WEIGHT TOO, AND I HAVE HAD A NUMBER OF WOMEN TELL ME THAT THE WEIGHT THEY LOSE WHEN THEY START THIS APPROACH TO THEIR LIFE COMES OFF FROM THE ABDOMEN SECTION.

AND THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALSO LOWERING YOUR STRESS LEVELS, DUE TO EATING PROPERLY, AND THERE IS A DIRECT CORRELATION TO CORTISOL AND BELLY FAT.

THE 80/20 RULE IS ALSO A FANTASTIC WAY TO MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT. AND IT’S SOMETHING YOU CAN TRAVEL WITH. 

IF THIS SEEMS TOO EASY FOR YOU, ADAPTING AN 80/20 RULE TO YOUR DIET AND FITNESS PROGRAM THEN I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU IF YOU ARE OPEN TO TRYING THIS TECHNIQUE FOR ONE MONTH. TRY IT AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL.

TRY 5 DAYS A WEEK EATING A DIET THAT CONSISTS OF HEALTHY FATS AND CARBS, ACCOMPANIED WITH CLEAN PROTEIN SOURCES, AND 1-3 LITRES OF WATER A DAY.

AIM FOR NO REFINED CARBS AND LITTLE TO NO SUGAR.

TWO DAYS A WEEK EAT WHAT YOU WANT. 

THIS WORKS AND YOU CAN MAINTAIN IT.

WHY DON’T YOU HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS? BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE QUICK RESULTS. AND THIS IS A WORLD OF FAST RESULTS.

BUT IF YOU ARE TIRED OF BEING ON THE DIET ROLLER COASTER, THIS WILL HELP YOU STEP OFF. AND FOR GOOD. 

 

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