How I Overcame Failure

How I Overcame Failure

How Failing Made Me Happy

I have a story about failure to tell you. A story of me “failing” and how it actually changed my life… for the better. 

Now, why am I here to talk about my failures? Or, more specifically why should you even care? 

Because fear of failure is a huge buzzkill when trying to move forward and achieve your goals.

My hope is that through sharing my story with you perhaps you will re-think something that you have wanted to do, but have resisted because you were afraid of failing.  

My hope is that I can show you that sometimes failing is pretty effing awesome.

First, let me be totally clear with you – we don’t actually fail. Ever. Failing is a mindset I want you to get rid of. Instead, what we do is learn.

I will dive into my personal story first, and then offer you 3 tips that helped me overcome failure and allowed me to keep on learning. 

15 years ago I sold a personal training business that was the largest of its kind where I live. I had a team of 15 trainers, reception staff, we were incorporated, it was making money. Until one of my trainer’s photocopied my client list, partnered with one of my members (he was the money), enticed half of my other trainers to leave and then opened up up a studio across the street.

In the course of 60 days, our revenue plummeted by 75%.

Yup. Who knew fitness could be so cutthroat.

The stress, at the time, was unbelievable. The trainer’s that left, I thought they were my friends and this broke my heart. However, I had a support group – my husband and a coach – and I got through it, sold the business and I can report that today not one of those trainers is still in the industry. And the one who opened up the studio, across the street from mine… well his money man left him because he never hit any of the revenue targets he predicted he would, and he is also not in the industry anymore either.

But at the time people thought I was a failure. We live in a smallish community and it didn’t take a genius to deduct what had happened.

And I am glad it happened… because it started me on my journey of being online.

If I hadn’t had that experience I would not be sitting here right now chatting with you. This trainer opening across the street from me was a pivoting point in my life that changed the direction of where I was going and has taught me so much.

My next failure happened just last month.

I used to have a boutique fitness studio, called The Studio, with small group classes. It was very successful, I had a new team there, a manager and things were humming along pretty good until the pandemic hit.

Due to social distancing protocols, we were forced to close our doors and live stream our classes. 

But… since I had a business in the past (that one I just talked about) that ran low on cash flow (see, learning from my experiences) I knew that I did not want to be under that kind of stress again. So, I crunched the numbers for our business, I also talked with people who are smarter than me, took a hard look at my industry, and I decided to close the business completely.

Again, on the outside, it looked like I had failed and was forced to close. I can assure you I was not forced, it was a choice, and I can also sit here right now and tell you that I cannot remember a time in the past 4 years while owning The Studio of ever being this happy.

Yes, I liked the Studio, yes I liked the people, but it wasn’t until I shut it down that I realized that I love being online more and that trying to do both businesses for these past 4 years was killing me.

So, that is why I am so happy I “failed” with The Studio.

Of course, each of these required a few things to help me process my feelings and to help me to move on. Let me explain the three:

First, I recommend you always a support group. Have at least one person in your life that you can talk to, who is in your corner,, and who can tell it to you straight. If you don’t have someone, rent someone then. And by that, I mean a therapist or a coach. I have used both and they have been life-changing for me

Second, don’t worry about being afraid of failing, be more fearful of not trying. Don’t give your future self ammunition for a pity party because you didn’t try something. This is a big one in my playback. I do not want to have future PJ pissed off at me for not going after something because I was afraid of failing it. I’m more afraid of her than I am of failing. 

And finally, remind yourself that you going to be okay no matter how the cookie crumbles (just so long as it’s a chocolate chip cookie… just saying). When these moments that I just touched upon happened in my life my daily mantra was “I am going to be okay”. 

And as that cookie is crumbling smile, remind yourself that you’re tough and you will get through this and that tomorrow will be better. You’ve got to rev up the positive self-talk in situations like this because you will believe whatever you tell yourself.

So, tell yourself to be happy and grateful for all the good things that you do have, and all the problems you know you don’t have.

Life is filled with screw-ups, I truly believe that we are supposed to fail sometimes… so embrace those moments, learn from them, and maybe use them as pivots like I did to change the direction of your life.

Now, it’s your turn…

Have you ever been scared of failing?  Do you have any other thoughts about this video?  I’d love to hear from you.

Leave a comment on the video and share something with me. 

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How to Lose Weight When You’re Over 40

How to Lose Weight When You’re Over 40

How To Lose Weight When You’re Over 40

Below are my show notes:

DIETING IS THE WORST THING TO DO IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR PERMANENT WEIGHT LOSS. FIND OUT WHAT DOES WORK, AND WORKS AMAZINGLY FOR ANY WOMAN, OF ANY AGE.

I RECEIVED AN OVERWHELMING NUMBER OF EMAILS AND MESSAGES FROM WOMEN WHO WANT ADVICE ON THE BEST WAY TO LOSE FAT AS WE GET OLDER.

THESE ARE PAIN POINTS THAT A LOT OF WOMEN HAVE I WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU ABOUT HOW I’VE SHIFTED AWAY FROM WEIGHT LOSS, AND MORE TOWARDS HOW I FEEL BECAUSE THAT’S A FAR MORE IMPORTANT INDICATOR TO A LIFE WELL LIVED. I WILL ALSO GIVE YOU 1 SIMPLE TIP TO HELP YOU GET OFF THE DIET ROLLER COASTER.

WHEN I WAS 45 I ENTERED A FITNESS COMPETITION AND WAS, WHAT LOOKED LIKE ON THE OUTSIDE, THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE. INSIDE I WAS HOT MESS.

I HAD ZERO ENERGY, ZERO FRIENDS (THEY DON’T CALL IT CARB-RAGE FOR NOTHING), AND ZERO ZEST FOR LIFE. ALL I HAD THE ENERGY TO DO ON A DAY-TO-DAY BASIS WAS FOOD PREP, COUNT MY MACROS, DO MY JOB, DO MY TWICE A DAY WORKOUTS, FANTASIZE ABOUT WHEN I COULD EAT AGAIN, ALL WHILE SITTING THERE IN A CALORIE-DEFICIT DAZE.

AFTER THE COMPETITION I QUICKLY GAINED THE WEIGHT BACK PLUS MORE WHICH HAD ME SINK INTO A FUNK AND A DEPRESSION – BECAUSE I COULD NOT MAINTAIN THE PJ THAT HAD LOST THE WEIGHT. MAYBE YOU UNDERSTAND ME? IF YOU’VE EVER BEEN ON A DIET AND “FELL OFF IT” THEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FELT.

I WAS FEELING DEFEATED, AND WHEN YOU REALLY PULL THE LAYERS BACK A LOT OF WOMEN, MYSELF INCLUDED AT THE TIME, FEEL WE AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH UNLESS WE ARE AT A CERTAIN SIZE.

WE WILL EVEN BELIEVE THAT WE ARE DOING OURSELVES GOOD BY “REWARDING” OURSELVES FOR LOSING WEIGHT. A LOT OF WEIGHT LOSS ADVICE ADVISES THAT. HIT YOUR TARGET AND TREAT YOURSELF TO [INSERT ANYTHING HERE… DRESS, SCARF, EARRINGS, SPA TREATMENT]. 

BUT INSTEAD, THIS IS REPEATEDLY TELLING OURSELVES THAT HOW WE LOOK NOW IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH. YOU DON’T DESERVE THAT FACIAL, YOU’VE GOT TO LOSE 10LB FIRST.

THANKFULLY I GAVE MY HEAD A GOOD SHAKE AND THIS IS WHEN MY MINDSET STARTED TO SHIFT.

I REALIZED THAT I WAS AT MY UNHEALTHIEST WHEN I WAS STANDING ON THAT STAGE IN A FITNESS COMPETITION.

YOU SEE THE LIFESTYLE NEEDED TO MAINTAIN WHAT I HAD ACHIEVED WAS FAR TOO RESTRICTIVE TO CONTINUE. AND THAT’S NOT HEALTHY.

WHAT IS HEALTHY? HEALTHY IS NOURISHING YOUR BODY SO IT HAS THE ENERGY TO DO WHAT YOU WANT IT TO DO.

HEALTHY IS MOVING YOUR BODY BECAUSE YOU WANT TO, NOT BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO BURN CALORIES OR PUNISH IT FOR EATING TOO MUCH.

HEALTHY IS ACCEPTING WHO YOU ARE NO MATTER WHAT YOUR PANT SIZE IS TELLING US.

HEALTHY IS ALSO NOT FEELING GUILTY WHEN YOU EAT PASTA, DRINK TOO MUCH WINE, SIT ON THE COUCH… OR DO ALL OF THE ABOVE. BECAUSE WHEN YOU HAVE A HEALTHY MINDSET YOU KNOW WHEN YOU DO DO THOSE THINGS, THEN THE NEXT DAY YOU BALANCE THAT SHIT OUT AND HAVE A SALAD AND DRINK LOTS OF WATER.

IN THE 25 YEARS OF BEING A TRAINER, WORKING WITH THOUSANDS OF WOMEN, I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT HEALTHY, AND THIS INCLUDES WEIGHT LOSS AND WEIGHT MAINTENANCE, IS ACHIEVED WITH AN 80/20 APPROACH TO LIFE. 80% WE NOURISH, 80% WE MOVE, EVERYDAY WE APPRECIATE.

WHEN YOU APPLY THIS ONE SIMPLE RULE TO YOUR LIFE,80/20, YOU WILL FREE YOURSELF FROM THE BS THAT COMES FROM BEING ON A DIET.

YOU WILL FIND THAT YOU EAT MORE SENSIBLY BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT RESTRICTING YOURSELF OR TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN NEVER HAVE CANDY, WINE, OR PIZZA AGAIN. YOU MAY FIND YOU EAT LESS OF THOSE BAD FOODS TOO. BECAUSE IF WE GIVE OURSELVES PERMISSION TO EAT ANY FOOD WE WANT, WE LOSE THAT INTENSE CRAVING FOR THAT FOOD – WHICH DURING A DIET WILL QUITE OFTEN LEAD TO BINGING.

YOU MOST LIKELY WILL FIND THAT YOU LOSE WEIGHT TOO, AND I HAVE HAD A NUMBER OF WOMEN TELL ME THAT THE WEIGHT THEY LOSE WHEN THEY START THIS APPROACH TO THEIR LIFE COMES OFF FROM THE ABDOMEN SECTION.

AND THIS IS BECAUSE YOU ARE ALSO LOWERING YOUR STRESS LEVELS, DUE TO EATING PROPERLY, AND THERE IS A DIRECT CORRELATION TO CORTISOL AND BELLY FAT.

THE 80/20 RULE IS ALSO A FANTASTIC WAY TO MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT WEIGHT. AND IT’S SOMETHING YOU CAN TRAVEL WITH. 

IF THIS SEEMS TOO EASY FOR YOU, ADAPTING AN 80/20 RULE TO YOUR DIET AND FITNESS PROGRAM THEN I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU IF YOU ARE OPEN TO TRYING THIS TECHNIQUE FOR ONE MONTH. TRY IT AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL.

TRY 5 DAYS A WEEK EATING A DIET THAT CONSISTS OF HEALTHY FATS AND CARBS, ACCOMPANIED WITH CLEAN PROTEIN SOURCES, AND 1-3 LITRES OF WATER A DAY.

AIM FOR NO REFINED CARBS AND LITTLE TO NO SUGAR.

TWO DAYS A WEEK EAT WHAT YOU WANT. 

THIS WORKS AND YOU CAN MAINTAIN IT.

WHY DON’T YOU HEAR MORE ABOUT THIS? BECAUSE IT DOES NOT HAVE QUICK RESULTS. AND THIS IS A WORLD OF FAST RESULTS.

BUT IF YOU ARE TIRED OF BEING ON THE DIET ROLLER COASTER, THIS WILL HELP YOU STEP OFF. AND FOR GOOD. 

 

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How Much Weight You Should Be Lifting

How Much Weight You Should Be Lifting

How Much Weight You Should Lift | For Women Over 40

Below are my show notes for the video above:

HOW MUCH WEIGHT SHOULD YOU LIFT?

IT DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU ARE ON YOUR FITNESS JOURNEY AND FROM THERE PICKING THE DUMBBELL THAT WILL GIVE YOUR MUSCLES SOME FEEDBACK.

YOU SEE, YOU NEED TO LIFT HEAVY ENOUGH TO STIMULATE CHANGE IN THE MUSCLE. WHEN YOU DO YOU CREATE TINY MICROSCOPIC TEARS TO THE MUSCLE TISSUE AND FOR THE NEXT 24-48 HOURS THE BODY REPAIRS THAT TISSUE SO IT’S STRONGER AND DENSER.

SO, WHAT IS THE RIGHT WEIGHT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.

THAT ALSO DEPENDS ON YOUR REP RANGE & GOALS FOR YOUR WORKOUTS.

QUICK SIDE NOTE: A “Rep” stands for “repetition” and defines one complete motion of an exercise.

And one “set” is a consecutive number of reps without stopping.

SO, 2 SETS OF 15 SQUATS MEANS 15 SQUATS, A REST, AND THEN ANOTHER 15 SQUATS.

WHEN YOU LIFT AT A HIGHER REP COUNT, 12-20+ REPS, YOU ARE WORKING MUSCLE ENDURANCE. AND BECAUSE OF THE HIGHER REP RANGE YOU OBVIOUSLY YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO LIFT HEAVY AMOUNTS OF WEIGHT.

I LOVE HIGH REPS AND LOW LOADS FOR BEGINNERS. THIS HELPS A NEW PERSON WORK ON THEIR FORM, GET AN UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT THEY ARE TRAINING, WHILE STILL GIVING THEM RESULTS.

FOR INT/ADV PEOPLE WHEN ENDURANCE TRAINING I RECOMMEND THAT YOU DECREASE THE REST TIME BETWEEN YOUR SETS. MAKE IT MORE CHALLENGING FOR YOURSELF.

MOST OF MY YOUTUBE WORKOUTS ARE ENDURANCE-FOCUSED WORKOUTS BECAUSE IT’S THE EASIEST WAY FOR WOMEN TRAIN AT HOME. YOU DON’T NEED A LOT OF DIFFERENT SIZED DUMBBELLS, FORM IS EASIER TO GET (HANDY IF YOU DON’T HAVE A MIRROR IN FRONT OF YOU), AND YOU DON’T NEED A SPOTTER.

ENDURANCE TRAINING GREAT FOR PEOPLE WHO ENJOY SPORTS LIKE RUNNING, CYCLING, AND EVEN HIKING.

NOW ANOTHER COMMON GOAL WITH STRENGTH TRAINING IS TO WORK ON MUSCLE STRENGTH. IF BUILDING MUSCLE SIZE IS YOUR GOAL THEN THE RECOMMENDED REP RANGE IS BETWEEN 6-12 REPS USING A WEIGHT THAT WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK.

WHAT SORT OF FEEDBACK? BURNING MUSCLES FEEDBACK. A GOOD RULE OF THUMB IS YOU SHOULD FEEL SOME BURN IN THE MUSCLE, WHICH IS LACTIC ACID, ABOUT 75% INTO THE SET. SO… IF YOU’RE REP COUNT IS 12, BY ABOUT REP 8 YOU SHOULD BE FEELING IT.

THIS TYPE OF STRENGTH WORK, LOWER REPS/HIGHER WEIGHT, IS ALSO GREAT FOR PEOPLE WITH ARTHRITIS BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT DOING A TON OF REPS AND THEREFORE DO NOT HAVE AS MUCH WEAR AND TEAR ON THE JOINT. 

THIS IS ALSO A GREAT WAY TO TRAIN TO BREAKTHROUGH ANY EXERCISE PLATEAUS. NOW YOU MAY SAY TO ME “BUT PJ, I’M A WOMAN I DON’T WANT BIG BULKY MUSCLES, SO THIS TYPE OF TRAINING ISN’T FOR ME’.

AT WHICH POINT I WILL EXPLAIN TO YOU THAT women have about 15-20% less concentration of testosterone in our bodies than men do. Without that extra testosterone, we ladies simply can’t build the big muscles. We biologically are unable to DO SO.

BUT WITH THIS LOWER REPS/HIGHER WEIGHT TRAINING WHAT WE WILL BE DOING IS BURNING MORE CALORIES – BECAUSE THE MORE LEAN MUSCLE TISSUE WE HAVE THE GREATER OUR METABOLISM IS AND THEREFORE THE MORE CALORIES WE’LL BURN THROUGHOUT THE DAY. YOU’LL ALSO BE INCREASING YOUR BONE DENSITY, AND YOU’LL BE SHAPING YOUR BODY, NOT MAKING IT BIGGER. TRAINER’S PROMISE.

FOR EACH REP RANGE/GOAL KEEPING YOUR FORM IS ESSENTIAL. ESPECIALLY FOR THOSE OF US OVER 40. NIGGLY LITTLE PAIN CAN TURN AND REAR IT’S UGLY HEAD REALLY QUICKLY THE OLDER WE GET. WATCH MY VIDEO FROM LAST WEEK ON WORKING OUT WITH PAIN FOR MORE DETAILS ON WHAT TO DO WITH THAT.

DIFFERENT MUSCLES CAN TAKE DIFFERENT LOADS TOO. THIS IS WHY QUITE OFTEN YOU’LL HEAR ME SAY ON THE YOUTUBE CHANNEL: GRAB A PAIR OF LIGHT, MOD & HEAVY DUMBBELLS.

BECAUSE WHAT IS HEAVY FOR YOUR SHOULDERS WILL BE TOO LIGHT FOR YOUR LEGS. AGAIN, WHATEVER YOU ARE LIFTING, FOR WHATEVER MUSCLE GROUP, BY ¾ QUARTERS OF THE WAY IN YOU SHOULD FEEL THE MUSCLE WORKING.

IN THE END THOUGH… DON’T OVERTHINK THIS.

YOUR GOAL SHOULD BE TO GET STRONGER WITH EACH WORKOUT. SO WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU ARE LIFTING AND NEXT TIME SEE IF YOU CAN DO MORE.

IF YOU WANT A STEP-BY-STEP FITNESS PROGRAM FOR THE OVER 40 BODY CHECK OUT MY FEARLESS & OVER 40 PROGRAM. ALL YOU NEED ARE SOME DUMBBELLS AND THE DESIRE TO GET FITTER. CHECK OUT THE LINK BELOW FOR MORE DETAILS ON HOW THIS PLAN CAN HELP YOU.

NOW… I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW HOW MANY PAIRS OF DUMBBELLS YOU OWN? IS IT LIKE ME, MORE THAN PAIRS OF SHOES I OWN.

THANKS FOR WATCHING IF YOU ENJOYED THIS VIDEO I WOULD APPRECIATE A THUMBS UP, AND IF YOU’RE NEW TO THE CHANNEL CLICK THE SUBSCRIBE BUTTON & NOTIFICATION BELL SO I CAN GET MORE AWESOME CONTENT TO YOU.

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Working Out With An Injury

Working Out With An Injury

When You Should & Shouldn’t Work Out

The following are my talking notes, and a snippet of the video above:

WHEN YOU SHOULD AND SHOULDN’T PUSH THROUGH THE PAIN DURING YOUR WORKOUT – AND TIPS ON WHAT TO TRAIN INSTEAD.

ON A VERY BASIC LEVEL YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO TOLERATE SOME PAIN DURING EXERCISE. (SUPERPOWER) IT’S NOT ALL RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES. FOR A MUSCLE TO INCREASE IN STRENGTH IT MUST FEEL AN INCREASE IN THE STRESS – YOU’LL HEAR THAT USUALLY REFERRED TO AS “FEEL THE BURN”.

THIS IS SIMPLY LACTIC ACID THAT ACCUMLATES WHEN THE MUSCLE CAN’T GET THE OXYGEN IT NEEDS TO BREAK DOWN GLUCOSE FOR ENERGY. LACTIC ACID ACCUMULATES IN THE MUSCLE AND SPILLS OVER INTO THE BLOODSTREAM.

TOTALLY NORMAL. AND TOTALLY A-OK 

WHAT ABOUT PAIN IN THE MUSCLES THE NEXT DAY?

AGAIN… TOTALLY A-OK WHEN YOU START A NEW ACTIVITY OR ADD MORE INTENSITY TO YOUR WORKOUT.

THIS IS NOT LACTIC ACID, THIS PAIN OR DISCOMFORT IS ACTUALLY CAUSED BY TINY MICR0-TEARS YOU DID TO THE MUSCLE TISSUE WITH YOUR WORKOUT.

TO RECOVER > REST > PROPER AMOUNT OF PROTEIN

REST & THE AMINO ACIDS FOUND IN PROTEIN SOURCES WILL REPAIR THE MUSCLE TISSUE SO IT’S DENSER AND STRONGER THAN BEFORE.

BUT… IF YOU ARE SORE ALL THE TIME, OR FOR DAYS… NOT A-OK.

THIS MEANS YOU HAVE BEEN CHALLENGED TOO MUCH AND YOUR MUSCLES AND ENERGY STORES ARE NOT BEING EFFECTIVELY REPLENISHED.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FEEL SORE AFTER EVERY WORKOUT FOR A WORKOUT TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

 

 

 

BUT WHAT IF YOU HAVE JOINT PAIN? OR LOCALIZED PAIN,  SWELLING, STABBING PAIN? INABILITY TO MOVE A JOINT PROPERLY?

 

DO YOU WORKOUT?

 

LET’S BREAK IT DOWN INTO 2 GROUPS OF PEOPLE THAT I OFTEN SEE WHEN PAIN IS PRESENT.

 

THE “I’LL WORK THROUGH IT GROUP”

AND THE “I’LL REST AND THEN START UP AGAIN WHEN IT’S FEELING BETTER” GROUP.

 

BOTH DANGEROUS. BOTH ON THE WRONG PATH.

 

IF YOU WORK THROUGH PAIN HERE’S WHAT WILL HAPPEN:

 

1.     ALTER MOVEMENT PATTERN TO HELP OFFSET THE PAIN YOU ARE ENOUNTERING

2.     THIS WILL CREATE MUSCLE WEAKNESS IN THE AREA THAT YOU ARE ENCOUNTERING THE PAIN IN

3.     OTHER JOINTS & MUSCLES WILL COMPENSATE – JOINTS THAT MAY NOT BE EQUIPPED TO DEAL WITH THIS NEW MOVEMENT PATTERN AND NOW YOU HAVE 2 AREAS OF PAIN, INSTEAD OF THE ORIGNAL 1.

 

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Crush Your Fitness Goals

Crush Your Fitness Goals

How To Crush Your Fitness Goals

[Note: the following is a very short explanation of my tips]

Consistency.

I have 3 tips to help you nail consistency with your workouts.

 

  1. At some point, you have to let go of the excuses and just do it. You either want to do everything it takes to make it happen, or you don’t. Excuses only sound best to the person making them. And that person is only stalling their own progress.
  2. The process of consistently working out is simply doing it on a regular basis. We want a habit formed. But habits take time. Don’t expect this to be easy, or quick.
  3.  If you miss a day or two, or even a week, carry on. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t overthink it! Come on, you have to agree with me – as women we tend to overthink shit. All we’re trying to do is maintain a regular workout routine, not find the meaning of life. Get the emotion out of it and keep putting one foot in front of the other and remind yourself that it’s about progress, not perfection.
  4. Schedule your priorities.
  5. Follow 1 program, follow the advice that is helping you.

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PJ ox

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