Seriously… I have this to contend with now???
Let’s talk about hair.
And I’m not talking about long, flowing locks, or cute little pixie cuts. Nah, I’m talking about the hair found on the face, and to narrow it down even further – the unwanted hair found on the chin and neck.
While a boy may crave these things because they are a milestone towards manhood – a menopausal woman does not. Now, reaching menopause could be considered a milestone, the whole hair on the chin and neck experience, though, knocks it down quite a few notches on the list of “things I want when I am older”.
An electric SUV, a trip to Italy, and some damn good eye cream are what’s on my list of things I want in my mid-years. Not chin hairs.
But, here I am with chin hairs and one freaky neck hair.
I know my Greek and Italian readers are most likely shaking their heads at me because they remember their first chin hair, at age six, and I want you to know that I now feel your pain.
What mystifies me, though, are the growth patterns. Because they are not on the same growth pattern as the rest of the hair on my body.
Back in the day (when I was at the young tender age of 42) it took me about 4 years to grow my hair from pixie cut to past my bra strap. I have no idea why I wanted long hair, it just seemed like a good idea at the time, and past the bra strap was a good yardstick that helped me know exactly when I reached my goal.
When the time arrived, I kept it long for a few months and then promptly cut it all off again. I know, I too have a hard time keeping up with what makes me tick.
Anyway, the point I was making was that it took a long time for my hair to grow. Growing hair is a slow process, if you’ve ever done it before you know where I’m coming from, and you’re probably nodding your head right now. Because it’s slow, and I see my hair in the mirror every day, I never really grasped how long it actually was getting until I would run into someone who hadn’t seen me in a while. When this happened this is how the conversation went, each and every single time:
Them: OMG PJ!! Your hair is soooooo long now.
Me: Yes, I can’t afford a haircut.
At which point they would giggle nervously, with eyes darting for a quick escape route in case I was destitute and it was contagious. I’d just smile and not say a word. Let’s just say I enjoy mind f*cking with people sometimes.
Now, one would assume that all hair on the body would have the same rate of growth. Slow and steady. I, however, have discovered that it does not.
I have a neck hair, a weird-ass neck hair (I briefly mentioned him earlier. Hmmm…. is it weird that I refer to my neck hair by using a pronoun? And a male one at that?).
This neck hair (yes, only one) does not follow the normal biology of hair growth. You see every night I do the same thing. I wash my face, brush my teeth and then I apply my lotions and potions to my face and neck. And every night everything is copacetic. Until it’s not.
There it is. My neck hair… and it’s about three feet long. Last night no neck hair, tonight I could braid the f*cker if it had a partner.
A completely opposite experience from when I was growing the hair on my head. As mentioned earlier I never really knew my hair was long until I was told it was, my neck hair I know the moment I see it because it skips the whole slow, steady growth phase.
It goes from 0 to 100 in less than 24 hours and it baffles me every time.
In fact, my confusion was so deep that I actually asked my doctor about it at my last check-up. And you know what he said… he doesn’t know. He then went on to tell me why I am seeing more unwanted hair (changing hormones, age, blah, blah, blah), but he had no answer as to why my neck hair acts like it’s pumped up on amphetamines.
As a bit of a joke, I offered him my neck hair, you know for science. I’m not sure he got the joke, though, because he looked at me strangely and then politely turned me down.
So, what can a menopausal woman do with the unwanted chin hairs and the odd freaky neck hair?
There are lots you can do, but this menopausal woman simply does a scan every so often then pulls out her trusty ol’ tweezers.
BIKINI COMPETITIONS AND OTHER STUPID STUFF I DID… read here.
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